“Siri, why am I still single?!” Siri activates front camera.
“I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
Explanation:
I love dark humor
I breed horses professionally. It is my dream job and I absolutely love rearing foals and colts. The problem is this: my stallion, Buttercup, mounted and fully penetrated my mare, Reeses, but evidently pulled out as he was climaxing. He has never done this in the five years I have owned him. Now, there was some semen splattered about and I became curious so I bent down and placed my tongue against the floors of the stable (they are cleaned regularly). Unfortunately, my wife caught me in the act. She is now threatening divorce but I was trying to explain to her that I was curious what the taste and texture would be like.
